


Aloha from Hell

by trinipedia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, look at the bright side: now you can read the fic. XD, sorry for that. Anyway, there are spoilers. But if you have watched season 3 and 4 and know that Lucifer came into the show, you're gonna be fine. What are you saying? You didn't? Oh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-09
Updated: 2009-11-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 21:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8816317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinipedia/pseuds/trinipedia
Summary: The world depends on this, and they've all agreed that the sooner they start, the better, if they expect to get some results in a timely manner.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy bday [](http://ckll.livejournal.com/profile)[ckll](http://ckll.livejournal.com/)! You give me a reason to smile, every day, and you're always there for me. So, this stupid thing is for you.
> 
> **Warnings:** there are spoilers. But if you have watched season 3 and 4 and know that Lucifer came into the show, you're gonna be fine. What are you saying? You didn't? Oh, sorry for that. Anyway, look at the bright side: now you can read the fic. XD  
>   
>  **Disclaimers:** they belong to Eric Kripke ~~and each other~~. Title from a German rock group.  
> 

Castiel blinks.  
Sam gapes.  
Anna snorts.  
Dean's eyes shift from one to the other as he fidgets nervously.  
"What?!" he snaps, eventually, when no one says anything.  
"I just got the idea from something future!Castiel told me!"  
Sam shakes his head.  
"No, Dean, we get it. The idea itself is not bad, actually. It's just-the _name_. I mean-"  
"The name _sucks_ " Anna interrupts, shrugging.  
Dean's nostrils flare in anger, as he glares at Sam because somehow it's _always_ his brother's fault.  
"Oh, fuck you all" he shouts, his eyes throwing daggers around.  
"This is _my_ idea, and I'm the one who'll get to work the hardest, so the name stays!"  
The three look at each other for a second, then lower their heads in defeat.  
The name stays.

*****

It's a sunny day of spring: the sky is clear, the sun is shining and there's a lovely breeze sweeping through the pines.  
All in all, the perfect day to start a new business.  
Castiel is pacing nervously next to the van they've rented, his eyes fixed on the big _ALOHA FROM HELL TOURS_ logo on the side, before he turns towards Dean.  
"Do you really think I can-"  
"For the gazillionth time, _yes_ , Cas, I'm positive" Dean huffs in frustration, like he has already answered to this question more than once.  
Way, _way_ more, in fact.  
"So, stop worrying and whining, and just-chill, ok?" he concludes.  
Hell, it's not like he's not a little nervous himself; the idea of going back there and seeing everything once again it's not comfortable at all, and not something he really feels like doing -he's not ready, not yet, he'll probably never be- but there's a bigger picture here, and Dean can't allow himself to be selfish.  
The world depends on this, and they've all agreed that the sooner they start, the better, if they expect to get some results in a timely manner.  
Sam is staying right outside the door of their newly painted office, waving his hand and beaming at them.  
Anna is inside, sitting at her desk, both manning the phones and trying to sort through all the paperwork that still needs to be done.  
Just then a group of people turn the corner and start squeeing in delight as they see the van.  
"Konnichiwa, Dean-san!" one of them greets the older brother, bowing a little in front of him.  
Dean scratches the back of his head.  
"Uh... _konchinva_ to you too, Sir" he mutters, arching an eyebrow, as Sam smiles encouragingly at him.  
The man tries to say something more, but Dean has already made a fool of himself enough for one morning, so he steps back and clears his throat.  
"Okay, people. Get on the van!" he exclaims, pointing at the vehicle behind him, and as they comply Dean observes them.  
The group is a small one, maybe ten persons, but that will do for the first trip.  
Besides, the smaller the group, the easier to come back with _all_ of them.  
Castiel takes a deep breath and climbs into the driver's seat, adjusting his hat.  
Dean sits next to him and picks up a microphone.  
"One, two, three, one, two, three...testing! Can you hear me in the back?"  
Everyone nod their heads, eagerly, and Dean goes on.  
"Fine, then. This is how it's going down: you'll have to stay _focused_ and close, no wandering around by yourselves. It can turn nasty quite fast, in there, so just- stick with us, don't speak if you can help it and ask questions only if they're really important. Oh, one more thing: there are _no bathrooms_ where we're going, so if any of you needs a _pitstop_ you better catch it now."  
No one moves, all the occupants of the van are too busy staring starry eyed at Dean, so he coughs nervously and then turns towards Castiel.  
"All yours, buddy" he says.  
Castiel turns the key in the ignition, and then grabs the wheel with both of his hands.  
He closes his eyes, concentrates on the people inside the van and _pouf_!  
After a moment, the van has disappeared.  
Sam sighs, and silently prays for everything to be fine, even if he's probably talking to the wrong guy.

*****

As soon as they're out of the van and rapidly approaching the gates, Dean stops and turns towards the Japanese group, clearing his throat to get their attention.  
"Okay, guys, listen to me now. This is _not_ an amusement park, or a touristic attraction. This is the real deal. This tour will show you the horrors of evil, and everything that's going to happen to you once your life is over, if you've taken the wrong path."  
He paces a little, as he goes on.  
"You're going to see things that are going to haunt your dreams forever, the stuff nightmares are made of, and if you are wise you'll change your ways and you'll do whatever it takes to avoid ending up here. You will realize that pleasure, money and temporary satisfaction are not worth an eternity of-"  
"Oh my _God_!" a woman squeaks.  
"Is that a _souvenir shop?!_ "  
The whole group rejoyces, waving their hands in the air esthatically, before they start running all together towards a small shop right next to the gates.  
Someone pulls at Dean's sleeve, snatching him out of his reverie, and he looks down.  
"Goumen, Dean-san" one of the few men in the group says, patting his back.  
"Good speech, though. I got it all on camera, I'll upload it on Youtube as soon as we get home."  
Once he's done talking, he beams at Dean and bounces towards the shop following the others.  
Dean and Castiel stare at each other and then at the shop for a few seconds, with their mouths hanging open.  
Their surprise gets even bigger when they see Bela walking out of it, her arms crossed on her chest and a smug smirk on her face.  
"Hey guys!" she greets them "the early bird gets the worm, right?"  
Dean's hand goes straight to the demon-killing knife, but Bela's eyes follow the movement and she snorts.  
"Dean, I'm not a demon. And even if I was, you couldn't send me to Hell. We _are_ in Hell already, don't be silly."  
She has a point, even if Dean hates the fact that he has to admit it.  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he hisses, crossing his arms too.  
Bela simply shrugs.  
"Well, I just thought that, since I can't get out, I might as well try to make a good life _in_ , you know? And Hell is small, people talk, so when I found out about your new business plan I jumped at the chance. Hey, we could even go in as partners!" she adds, clapping her hands excitedly.  
Dean stares at her, like she has suddenly grown two heads, but in the end he sighs.  
"Fine, but I want a 20 percent of your incomes."  
Bela gapes at him.  
"Come again?"  
Dean arches an eyebrow.  
"I bring the cash, remember?"  
She fumes.  
"15."  
Dean grins.  
"Deal."  
Bela steps closer to him, and Dean, suddenly nervous, steps back.  
"I won't have to kiss you now, right?" he asks, blatantly disgusted by the perspective, and she chuckles.  
"I told you, I'm not a demon."  
"Just-don't kill any of my tourists, okay?" he says, before shrugging and walking away.  
Bela blinks.  
"Are you kidding me?! Killing a golden egg goose?! Who would be so stupid?!"  
Dean rolls his eyes, but wisely doesn't say anything.

*****

" _Sugoi_!" a man exclaims, immediately snapping a picture.  
Dean stops dead in his tracks, and turns towards him.  
"You're missing the whole point of this trip, Sir!" he protests.  
"You're supposed to get terrified, not _excited_!"  
The man just beams at him, snapping another picture, and Dean gets temporary blinded for his trouble.

*****

"So, how was your first day?" Sam asks carefully as they get ready for bed.  
A few hours have passed since they've come back, and Dean still hasn't said a word.  
Dean sighs, and sits on the bed.  
"Can't we just let Lucifer kill them all?" he whines, pinching the bridge of his nose.  
"Listen to your big bro, Sammy" Lucifer chimes, appearing in the opposite corner of the room and beaming at them.  
Sam turns towards him, narrowing his eyes.  
"You shut up" he snaps, and Lucifer pouts, but still goes away.  
Sam gets closer to Dean and puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly.  
"Oh, come on" he tries to soothe him "it can't possibly have been _that_ bad..."  
Dean glares at him.  
"An old woman wanted her picture taken standing on the rack as I pretended to torture her, complete with fake blood and all, and when we walked by the Styx the kids shed their clothes and _dived in_. The mothers had even brought _towels_ along."  
Sam winces sympathetically and rubs his thumb into the knotted muscles of Dean's back.  
"It will be better tomorrow, you'll see" he points out "we have a Greek group coming by, and a few Hungarian tourists, too!"  
Dean groans, and hides his face against Sam's broad chest.  
"Kill me now" he mutters.  
"Not a word" Sam growls, lifting a menacing finger, knowing Lucifer has appeared again.  
Lucifer makes an affronted noise suspiciously similar to a whimper.  
"Come on, you big baby, lay down" Sam says to Dean, ignoring the fallen angel standing in his bedroom "I'm going to give you a backrub."  
Dean lifts his eyes and stares at Sam like he's the second coming or something equally awesome.  
"You always know how to make your man feel better, don't you Sammy?" he states, grinning at him.  
Sam chuckles.  
"With you I had to learn" he retorts, no real heat in the words.  
Lucifer looks at them, a big, satisfied grin on his face.  
"Incest? My favourite sin."  
Hey, he has to start somewhere.

END(?)

**Author's Note:**

>  **Not Coming Down From:** [Couch](https://www.google.com/maps?q=Couch)  
>  **Under The Spell Of:** chica charlie's voice


End file.
